Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
