3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
