don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
