if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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