who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
