She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
