i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
