He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
