i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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