when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
