bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize