Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
