fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I faked an abortion last night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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