if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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