My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
