I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
