I faked an abortion last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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