So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
