i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
