You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
