I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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