Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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