so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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