I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
