I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
