maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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