I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
