I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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