your thong is hanging out like whoa
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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