Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
