he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
