From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
