Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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