I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
