She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize