someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
