Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just had sex on a roof
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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