Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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