Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
