Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
