One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize