ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Oh god it's open bar.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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