in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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