Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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