He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
