OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
