yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
