What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
