You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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