I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
