wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
