I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
