Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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