Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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