2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
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I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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