New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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