So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it's not cheating when I paid for it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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