I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
