addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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