How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night