thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"