I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done