last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.