Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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