I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
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Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.