one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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