dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
