Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Say something about gay babies.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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