I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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