my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You ate ashes out of my bong
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
