I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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