Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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