If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
