his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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