I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
