Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
