was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
