You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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